In my EBD program I am responsible for problem solving with students as well as developing a positive relationship with them. Our building's Love and Logic philosophy speaks to the idea that, as teachers, we guide the students toward identifying the problem and guide them to fix the problem for themselves (we don't "punish" the students). However, many of my students have false attributions about sources of punishment, problems, and how to fix problem situations (i.e., it is always someone else's fault).
Given this dichotomy.. I am seen, with many of my students, as the "discipline teacher;" this makes it very difficult for me to foster a meaningful relationship with my students, a relationship in which they can share feelings and work towards increasing their problem solving skills.
When I am seen as the "punisher" and need to develop meaningful relationships at the same time, I feel I am struggling in a duel relationship. Sorry for the longer post; I am wondering if anyone has ideas on how I can foster the more meaninful relationship side of my job :). Thanks!
It sounds like your saying that some of your students are having trouble coming up with logical consequences for your students. If that is so, what I try to do if they can't come up with something and say something like "Well that would be a great consequence for someone who accidentally tripped someone but you chose to hit someone. What do you think would really fix this problem so we know you want do it again." If they still can't come up with something I say "Some kids decide they are not welcome in gym until they can prove that they can keep their hands to themselves. Other kids write everyone in the class a note telling them what they can do other than hitting to let someone know they are upset. Which would work for you?" In this way they are still choosing the consequence and it is not your problem therefore when they say you are the "punisher" you can say well you chose the consequence that you felt best for you. I am simply here to teach and work together to have a good time here at school. If I am way off sorry I wasn't exactly sure what you are experiencing in EBD. Hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteThanks Emily,
ReplyDeleteFor sure the goal is to slather on the empathy and frame the problem solving process in a student centered way :). I think that when my students are in crisis, and verbal processing is out of the question, the limits I set for de-escalation (i.e., identifying the need for recovery and providing expectations for calming strategies), are primarily coming from me, as the students are unable to rationalize consequences and personal responsiblity. Maybe my heavy relationship building needs to come post crisis, really lay on the establishment of rapport.